It is a day where the chain breaks 

Your laces have come undone and the coffee cup splutters and splurts over hands and wrists and decorates the sides of sleeves but incidentally doesn’t touch the sides of that place behind your eyes. 

It is a day where the sun comes out to dry up all the rain all day once you have arrived at work all soaked to the bone again and the phone won't stop ringing with numbers different from the ones you are praying for and your eyelid is twitching like the flickering light in the smelly toilets of that caravan site you went to as a kid.   

It is a day where automated defences against the bad jokes that float around the office like farts from well-meaning men making mundane Monday morning conversation where there need be none need we summon up a conversation yet you haven't slept enough. 

So you eat 17 baguettes for breakfast, you bust through your limit, 

And you say its my fault because you haven't had sex in a minute 

What did I expect? The abyss cant be left 

and so we laugh it off with a hahaha 'hashtag no regrets' 

 

Staring at the problem wont make it go away, but your arms are still too weak to rub out the picture and it seems to be etched in anyway. 

 

You have been telling me you love me more. 

Taking the time to hold my eyes in the mirror and staring right through, telling me that you love me, and insisting that its true 

And when you catch sight of me in the reflective surfaces on road,  

in parked cars and shop windows,  

you comment on how exquisite my curves look in these new clothes  

that you bought me even though  

you are trying to save and you have been sprinkling lavender on my pillow, 

before diving with me into the colour filled darkness where we dance through kalaidoscopes and shadows 

And face our deamons together where there is nowhere to hide. 

You have been trying to stay tidy.  

Brushing my teeth and removing your makeup before sleep,  

stretch and flex and thank me for your triumphs in the morning before yawning before the devil leaks  

and creeps in to wrap his arms around your chest under the sheets,  

and dig his nails into your breasts,  

You're just trying your best to stay blessed,  

you're just trying your best to stay blessed  

and so I've been trying to not take so personally all the threats. 

Cos when the tidal wave comes your still tending to be sending that loaded gun, 

Saying that this isn't working, that you are done 

You become deranged and you say you cant stand the pain 

And then the wave passes and you say you love me again. 

 

Staring at the problem wont make it go away, but your arms are still too weak to rub out the picture and it seems to be etched in anyway.  

 

So I'm learning 

And you're learning  

And we learn 

 

To find family and friends and ask them kindly to reflect back at us who I am who we are because some layers were stripped  

We might have lost a few bits 

But they can be fixed  

They can be fixed.